Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
