This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
