Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
