I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Randomize
