i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize