Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
