Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
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