There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
I got her a Nickelback box set.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Panties = found
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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