batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
He better not be in your backpack
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
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