I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
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