Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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