he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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