dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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