it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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