So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
