so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
