i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
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