I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Randomize
