i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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