i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Randomize
