Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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