i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
