I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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