I think I won the penis lottery.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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