he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize