Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
