I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Randomize
