He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Randomize
