i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
Randomize