Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
