you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Rumble strips road head = magical
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
