Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Randomize