And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize