I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
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