My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
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