are you so shy because you have an std?
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
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