Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
