you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Randomize
