I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
