hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
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