She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
I know her cup size but not her name....
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
