I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
