Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Randomize
