My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
