I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
