I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
