Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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