He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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