4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
This is the prime rib incident all over again
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
