Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
