The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
