It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
