she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
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