Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
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