yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Randomize
