who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Randomize
