He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Randomize
