Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
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