There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Randomize
