wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
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