Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize