i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
