So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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