Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
I think I died a long time ago.
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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