the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
I checked into jail on foursquare
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
