this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Randomize
