i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
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