Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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