Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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